PNDSA: Post-Natal Depression Support Association

Womens' voices

These are some of the things my partner can do for me, that I don’t know how to ask for:

"Just say you understand and mean it."
"Give me a hug and tell me you love me and that it is going to be OK."
"Take charge of the situation, and take some of the burden off me."
"Ask me how I am, regularly, and really want to listen to the answer."
"Not express amazement on Wednesday, that I still haven’t pulled out of Tuesday’s feelings of depression. Realise that it is not a one-day wonder."
"Realise that while washing the dishes is great, it doesn’t constitute 'helping with the baby'."
"Realise that it’s the baby I need regular breaks from."
"Understand that I need to feel looked after and nurtured – even if only from time to time."
"I’d like you to be able to listen to me complain, without feeling I am complaining about you. I need you not to clam up. I’d like you to say something like “That’s okay; but you’re doing really well”.
"I’d like you not to expect me to be perfect continuously."
"I would like to be able to discuss my problems and worries, without your taking it as criticism, or offering solutions."
"I would like more help with the children."
"I need to be heard, but not judged."
"I need to be accepted, and to feel okay about doing it my way."
Don’t leave me alone. Don’t expect me to be happy and chatty. Let me be quiet – but be accepting and understanding about my quiet time."
"Be nice to the children when I can’t be. Approve of me – tell me what I’m doing right, not what I’m doing wrong."

I would like you to tell me that you

I need you …